Thirsty.

Someone asked me earlier today if I was okay. As usual I said, "I'm fine" and to make sure of that fact I added a colon and a large capital "D" to form this face :D The conversation ended there seeing that nothing else could be said. Lately, I find myself in positions where someone wants to know how things are going in my life and I just push them away, I wish I could just let them in. To tell them how I'm really feeling instead of hiding it under a lie with a colon and a capital "D".

When I think about it. I can't remember the first lie I told, I guess that is probably the case with everyone, seeing as we lie every day. To friends, to family, to co-workers, to strangers. I find it interesting that lying is our global way of keeping our secrets in our head. I'm glad no one I know is telepathic. Hell, I'm glad I'm not telepathic. Hearing everyone's thoughts and knowing everyone's feelings about you or anything would be way overwhelming. I would not enjoy it.

But really, getting back to the subject. The truth is. I don't know if I am okay or not. I don't know if I'm depressed or joyful. I just can't seem to find the fun I used to have with certain people. People that I once enjoy being around now give me headaches, people that gave me headaches I now enjoy.

Lately I've been asking people if I've changed or not. Most people have said somethings, others have said something else. But I know now. Deep down in my heart I believe I have changed, for the worse. I don't think I'm fun to be around anymore. I seem to get cranky easily, when I get cranky I then want to be alone. I also care less about the people I used to care about. I remember in high school I really wanted to help others with their issues, but now. I don't give a flying fuck.

I dunno. Maybe this is just a weird phase I'm going through.

I wish I could find my heart again. To actually care about something.